Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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