I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
