Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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