I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
