I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
