In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
