it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
