he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
