So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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