watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
