ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
