i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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