I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
