she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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