So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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