We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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