No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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