Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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