I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
