I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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