We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
