no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
