and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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