I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
