Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
