The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
