i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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