So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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