He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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