i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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