Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
