I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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