One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it was like eating out sand paper
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
