come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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