god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
