so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
