Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
