He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
