Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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