I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
