So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
