I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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