i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
