I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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