What a fucking waste of an outfit
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
