Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
