in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
