I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
