what if every blade of grass was a penis?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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