You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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