Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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