Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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