if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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