do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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