hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
