We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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