Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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