apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
