Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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