TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
