Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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