My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
