Can i not drive my cunt home
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is wine microwaveable?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
