I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
