my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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