Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
