Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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