it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
