He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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