Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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