She is in my trunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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