Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
