Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
